Letter 311:
Explanation for Bad Choice

    Here Clarissa is attempting to explain why she let this happen or rather how she let this happen.  At this point she is so lost in the situation that she has no idea how she got there or how she can get out.  She does not feel that she has been herself.  She let Lovelace manipulate and deceive her.  She still has no idea as to what Lovelace plans for her.  He is more manipulative and deceitful than she could have ever comprehended. 
    It appears that she wishes Miss Howe to forgive her for how she has acted.  She knows not what she does.  She has not been herself nor been in her normal state of mind.  She wishes that she be relieved of her wrong doings and bad choices.